Who Am I? I Am...

Working on Figuring Out What's Real For Me

Who am I today - in this moment of my life? This is a question I ask myself often.  

My roles, priorities, and even my dreams can change from day-to-day and sometimes moment to moment. Writing what’s in my heart helps me figure out who I am and connect with what’s real for me in this moment. 

When I first began writing this letter to you I kept rearranging the order of my ‘labels’. I pendulated between putting Peace Activist or World Care Advocate first. Or did I want to out myself as a Queer Woman right away? Did I want to put Mother, Yoga Teacher, Grandmother, Business Owner, Humorist, Sister, Lover, Self-Care Support Mentor, or Writer first? Or did I put my role as an obsessive Life-long Learner first?  

I am all of these and more, but what I discovered in this process is that whichever one I put first really doesn't matter. These labels are pieces of me but don’t encompass me.  

In this opening post I’m sharing a few random thoughts that I may or may not flush out later - but I have been trying to hit the Publish button on this blog for six months and if I don’t do it now - I may not ever. So here goes… 

I am a fifty-eight year old plant-based-eater, a foodie, a comfort food addict, and as of this writing sober for thirteen years. I am a Creative with serious attention issues, intermittent depression, and underlying anxiety. I no longer have panic attacks or debilitating depression thanks to writing and caring more kindly for myself with yoga, mindfulness, and self-care skills for the past twenty-four years. 

I’m a survivor of Mother Abuse and a middle child from a broken family. Now that my Mother is gone my voice is growing stronger and clearer, and I love myself more deeply than ever as I continue to learn and uncover pieces of what’s real for me. 

I am a mother of two adult children, and we have taught each other a lot about life and love and pain and joy since I gave birth to them as a near-child myself. 

I have felt decades of stress and overwhelm from wearing too many hats for too long running my own business since my children were young. This weighed heavy on me - and my family for far too long. (Insert Biggest Regret here). 

When I turned fifty, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer while leaving my thirty-two-year marriage to a kind and caring and emotionally distant man. 

I am now in a partnership with a tender-hearted, brilliant, funny, and emotionally supportive Woman. We support each other through challenges and joys. Most days we laugh out loud together. We share yoga and mindful living and social justice causes with each other and with our communities. Together we gutted a 2016 Ford Transit van and created our tiny-home-on-wheels Towanda Ruth. Towanda for our love of the movie Fried Green Tomatoes and Ruth to honor Ruth Bader Ginsberg. We often travel these Lands to experience meaningful moments with meaningful people. Through our photography, storytelling, and videos via social media we share our journeys and our adventures on the road with Hazel-the-Adventure-Cat in the beauty of nature. 

I have been a world care advocate since 1971. When I was seven, I saw a commercial on TV with an Indigenous Man standing on the grass by the side of what used to be a beautiful clean river. The Land and Water were littered with garbage and a tear rolled down his cheek as he viewed the destruction. I cried. I cried every time I saw that commercial. It broke my heart then, as it breaks my heart now to see the senseless destruction of our natural world in this patriarchal world. I try with all my heart to make our world a kinder, saner, more sustainable and caring place for my great great great great great great grandchildren - and yours. 

I’ve been a Tender Yoga and Mindful Living Teacher, a Self Care Support Mentor for more than two decades, and I’m a lifelong Writer. I mentor, nurture, and support myself and others to strengthen our voices and speak our truth; to care more kindly for ourselves during this incredibly chaotic time in our world; to speak up for ourselves as Women; and to speak up and stand up for those in our world who are not heard. 

I believe that every human has a Human Right to be loved, fed, sheltered, safe, and free. I believe passionately that all Girls/Women have a right to a safe and violence-free education, and that every child/every human should be allowed to Learn. Our world-wide education systems need to evolve to be more equitable and just. Our Teachers, and all who work in school settings have the most important missions in our world to steward our Young People forward, yet they are under-resourced, under-appreciated, and under-paid. They are overwhelmed, overworked, and overcommitted. I believe that our educational systems world-wide need to teach less of what they are teaching, and more of the ‘soft skills’ like humanity, love, kindness, self-care skills, and world care lessons if we are to survive as a human species much longer.  

I peacefully march. I march for Women’s rights. I march for LGBTQIA+ rights. I march for reproductive freedom. I march for responsible gun control. I march for Black Lives Matter. I march for World Care and environmental protection. I march for world peace. I resist. I create change. I inspire others to create change in our weary world that deeply needs peaceful and positive change.  

It's difficult at times to express myself without my voice shaking and my body trembling. I often say and do things that I wished I hadn’t. I’m often afraid and don’t say or do things that I wished I had. I am learning as I go; growing forward daily and, sometimes, stepping sideways but never backwards. I continue to release much of who I was to grow into who I am, and who I want to be. I have no more regrets and I live my life on my own terms. Mostly. 

In my writings I will continue to ask myself reflective questions and share pieces of what’s real for me as I travel this journey of Life. I invite you to join me in uncovering pieces of what’s real for you and allow yourself to be nurtured alongside me as we travel this sometimes messy and often beautiful journey of Life together. 

Much love, care, and connection. 

Kate Forest